
I 




Q 



Pass PS 3 



GPO 



No. 1. 



20 cents. 



Roberts' Series of Original Dramas. 





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ittllhi't 




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OR, 



TRAPP'D AT LAST. 



A FARCE IN ONE ACT 




SUITABLE FOR PRIVATE ENTERTAINMENTS. 



BOSTON: 
PUBLISHED BY CHARLES C. ROBERTS 
24 Congress Street. 
1 867 





lie Couldn't Help It; 



O K, 



7 



TRAPP'D AT LAST. 



A FARCE IN ONE ACT 



SUITABLE FOR PRIVATE ENTERTAINMENTS, 



BOSTON: 

ttAULES C. ROBERTS, PUBLISHER, 
24 Congress Stkeet. 
18 7. 



i 






Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S67, by Charl 
C. Roberts, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the 
District of Massachusetts. 



HE COULDN'T HELP IT; 



OR 



J& 1 



CHARACTERS. 

Mr. Oblivious Hobbs. (A first-rate young man with a weak- 
ness.) 

Mr. Frank Free well. (Hobbs' college chum, and confiden- 
tial friend.) 

Mrs. Fanny Harcocrt. (A bewitching young widow, fond of 
a little fun, but nevertheless a genuine woman.) 



Scene I. Hobbs' Room. 

" II. A Sitting Room. 

" III. Same as Scene I. 

" IV. Same as Scene II. 

Costumes. Those of the present time. 

Time of Representation. About forty minutes. 



SCENE I. 

.1 Room. Hobbs seated near a table reading a newspaper. 

Hobbs. (Laying down paper.) How stupid these pa- 
pers are now-a-days ! — no news, — editorials dry, — adver- 
tisements worse, — nothing exciting. Here I am, plump 
up to thirty two, and not married yet. Who would be a 
bachelor? ' Who would? Come, Hobbs I like Oiat I 



<i HE COULDN'T HELP IT ,' 

wouldn't, If I had pluck enougK to propose, but I haven't, 
and so there is no use of talking. I've been trying to find 
out what a bachelor is good for. A man without a wile ! 
lie is like half a pair of scissors! can't cut; no use. A 
man without a wife is, — pshaw, — (rises ' ml walks nervously 
ahout) a man without a wife is just fit to live in a lone 
room, like a rabbit in his burrow, as I do, without even a 
cat for a companion ; — mend his own stockings, — sew on 
his own buttons, darn his own coat, — and in short, — 

Frank. (Frank: Frewill is heard speaking outside.) Up 
stairs, is he ? well don't trouble yourself, I'll go up. 

IIorbs. Here's a blessed interruption to my melan- 
choly soliloquy. 

Frank. (Enters.) Ah, Hobbs, my dear boy, how do 
you do ? delighted to see you. ( lliey shake hands.) 

Hobbs. Frank, my old friend, I'm equally glad to see 
you. You seem in fine spirits this morning. 

Frank. How could I be otherwise, my dear fellow? 
splendid morning, — birds singing. — every body happy, — 
why shouldn't I be in fine spirits ? 

Hobbs (Melancholy.) Ah, true, true Frank; you are 
a happy fellow. Affianced to one of the loveliest of women, 
with the prospect of a happy marriage. Ah, Frank, you 
are a fortunate fellow ; — thank heaven you are not such a* 
miserable lonely fellow, — a bachelor like me. 

Frank. I do Hobbs, most sincerely, and at the same 
time permit me to remark, that you have no one but your 
stupid self to thank, that you are a bachelor. 

Hobbs. True 1 true Frank! it's my fate, and I'm re- 
signed. 

Frank. Fate, fiddlestick ! it's your fault I now here 
you are, a well-educated young f eIlow, — good looking, — I 
may say prepossessing, — can carry on a successful, coirt- 
ship with almost any young lady, if it were not for that 
confounded bashfulness of yours, and still you don't try 
to overcome it, to master it. 



OR TRAPPED AT LAST. 5 

Hobbs. (Uneasily.) Nay, nay, Frank ! there you wrong 
me; never did a fellow try mure intensely than I have to 
get the better of that weakness, as you call it, but I tell 
you my dear fellow, it is no use, I can't do it. 

Frank. Nonsense, man ! nothing easier in life if you 
will only dash in, and set about it in the right way. 

Hobbs. Ah, Frank, there's the pinch ; if you will only 
tell me how to set about it, and help me to do it, I'll make 
one more desperate effort, and if I fail, I shall give up all 
for lost. L 

Frank. Stuff and nonsense, Hobbs; where is your 
heart? 

Hobbs. That's just what I want to know. 

Frank. Listen Hobbs, while I put to you a serious and 
straightforward question. Have you got any heart at all ? 

Hobbs. (Serious!//) Well, now, Frank, seriouslv, my 
private impression is that I have ; but, to tell you the 
truth, it is of very little service to me, for I can find 
nothing to do with it. It is a blank.— a desert,— a blasted 
heath, without foliage or flowers. Yes, Frank, I am per- 
suaded that I have a heart ; but, as I said before, I have 
no use for it. 

Frank. You have, my boy; fill it up,— cultivate it,— 
let it expand. 

Hobbs. Cultivate it ? fill it up ? what with ? 

Frank. What with ? why love, love, to be sure. 

Hobbs. Love ! come, I like that! I hav'n'teven a cat 
to love, and I can't love myself ; for, to tell the truth, I 
have a very mean opinion of myself. 

Fkank. To tell you the truth, Hobbs, I am very much 
of that way of thinking too, and I sha'n't change my 
opinion till I see some prospect of a change for thelbetter, 
in you. 

Hobbs. (Imploringly.) Now, Frank, be easy with me; 



6 HE COULDN'T HELP IT ; 

you know I value your friendship more highly than that 
of any other person in the whole range of my acquaintance; 
you know that we were college chums; there our friend- 
ship began, and to this day it has continued unabated. I 
would undertake almost anything rather than sacrifice that 
friendship. 

Frank. Never fear that. Hobbs ; you are too good a 
fellow to throw away for a single fault. You will be a 
man yet ; but that will not be until you are in love. When 
you are in love, I shall have hope of you. {Examines his 
watch and prepares to leave) Bless me, ten o'clock ! excuse 
me, Hobbs white I step into the next street; I have a 
check I wish to get cashed at the bank. I'll be with you 
again in a v^ry short time. (Exit.) 

Hobbs. (Retires up the stage, and sits.) Ah, Frank, 
Frank, — happy fellow, — happy man ; what would I give if 
I had such an easy, dashing way V he is polite, accom- 
pli>hed, and a faverite with the ladies; whilst I am awk- 
ward and bashful as a booby, — thst is when there is any 
females present. When I stand before a beautiful and 
accomplished female, my tongue refuses utterance, I stam- 
mer if I attempt to speak, my legs get in each other's 
way, 1 don't know what to do with my hands, and my hat 
is a continual trouble. (Resumes the paper and looks it over ) 
Well, so it is; and I can't help it; what is bred in the 
bone, they say, cannot be beat out of the flesh. Heigh ho! 
what's this? (Reads aloud.) ''Personal. — A young 
lady of prepossessing appearance, a widow, without encum- 
brances desires to form the acquaintance of some respecta- 
bly connected gentleman, with a view to matrimony." 
Oh, what a terrible word. (Reads.) " She would require 
in a partner only that which she possesses, viz. : a kind 
heart, an atTectiouate disposition, and a sincere desire for 
mutual happiness. She is thirty years of age, and seeks 
an alliance based only upon pure love and affection, money 
no object." Beautiful, beautiful! who knows but this 
woman may be designed by Providence for me ? But that 
is too blissful to be thought of seriously. (Reads.) " Ad- 
dress, through the Post Office, Fanny." 



OK TRAPPD AT LAST. 7 

Fanny ! what a dear, delightful name. Fanny ! perhaps 
my Fanny ; who knows ? I'll consult Frank about this. 
This sort of thing will require no courtship, no cold for- 
malities. Frank will, — (listens) that is his step. (Goes to 
the wfng and calls.) Frank is that you ? 

Frank. (Without.) Yes, coming ; got delayed a little. 
(Enters.) Here T am, but not returned quite as soon as I 
expected. 

Hobbs. Glad you've come at all event.?. (Places 
chairs.) Take a seat Frank, I've something to tell you. 
(Both sit, Hobbs hands paper to Frank.) Read that, Frank, 
and give me your opinion. 

Frank. (Reads hurriedly.) Personal, — prepossessing, 
— widow, — kind heart, — encumbrances, — desires to form 
acquaintance, — respectably connected,- amiable disposi- 
tion,— et cetera, et cetera, and so forth, and so on. (Re- 
turns paper.) The same old style. — the old story repeated 
over again. 

Hobbs. What do you think of that Frank ? is not that 
description beautiful ? so modest aud unpretending. 

Frank. All gammon my dear fellow; I've something 
in reserve for you far better than that. I'll introduce you to 
a lady friend of mine who will captivate, nay, charm you. 

Hobbs. (Sinking back in his chair.) Goodness me, there 
goes a fifty-six pounder plump down upon my heart, and 
scatters all my courage to the winds. It's no use, Frank, 
I'm past cure. 

Frank. Come, come man ; courage ! let the news- 
paper goddess slide, and I'll tell you about my lady 
friend. 

Hobbs. Well Frank, let's hear, for I know I can bear 
the description. 

Frank. In the first place then, she is pretty. 

Hobbs. Yes, pretty. 



8 he couldn't help it? 

Frank. Accomplished. 

IIobbs. Yes, accomplished. That's good. 

Frank. Possesses an amiable disposition. 

IIobbs. An amiable disposition. Better yet. 

Frank. And, in short, is in every particular a lady, 
and a true wotiian. 

IIobbs. (Cettinft a liitle excited) Glorious, glorious ! 
how old is she Frank ? 

Frank. She's old enough, and she's young enough ; in 
short, she's just the right age for you. 

IIobbs. Ill warrant me she is, if she is your choice. 

Frank. She is all that an honorable man could desire 
in a wife, and I propose this evening to call upon her. 

IIobbs. You do ? 

Frank. Yes, and to take you with me, and give you 
an introduction. 

IIobbs. (Sinlinrj had: in Jnla chair) Bless my soul, 
there goes a seventy six, to help the fifty-six to annihilate 
me! Now Frank, its no use! I can't pass such an ordeal! 
I can't. I sha'n't survive it. If yo.n insist upon the thing, 
lust do me the favor to call on the undertaker and secure 
his services, for I tell you I shall need them. 

Frank. AH sheer nonsense, man ! T have no doubt 
you will acquit yourself nobly, and what is better, make a 
decided conquest. 

IIobbs. But, Frank, I can't go. 

Frank. I know you ran go, and you will confess your- 
pelf forever my debtor for introducing you to such a lovely 
and loveable lady. {Prepares to have.) 

IIobbs. But Frank, consider, — 

Frank. Shame man; don't ask me to consider when 
there is a lady in the case. I shall call for you at seven 



OE TRAPPED AT LAST. 9 

precisely, and you must not disappoint me. At seven, 
remember; so by-by, Hobbs. (Exit.) 

Ho BBS. Following him to the exit and speaking.) But 
Frank, just listen a minute. Gone? — yes gone. Well, 
did you ever V that man has actually wheedled me into an 
engagement to go with him and make a call on a lady. I 
never did such a thing in my life ; that is beyond my 
family relations. ]\Ie face a female? Preposterous! It 
can't be dune, that is by me. Goodness gracious, into 
what a snare am I about to be led ? J must retire and 
calm my perturbed feelings, and if possible devise some 
means to avoid this terrible interview. Hut 1 will answer 
the " Personal " and this may afford me a chance of escape. 
(Exit.) 



SCENE II. 

Apartment in the Home of Mrs. Fanny Tlarcourt. Mrs. II. 
seated at a table engaged in sewing, crotchet, or some simitar 
employment. 

Mns II. Well, I declare, how very dull it has been to- 
day, to be sure. Not a single caller yet. That is rather 
strange, fV.r scarcely a day passes that I do not receive at 
least a half dozen. 1 suppose I was wicked to put that 
11 Personal" in the paper; but 1 do so like to have a bit of 
fun. It breaks up the 'dul 1 monotony of every day life. I 
have received a dozen or more replies, containing the most 
nonsensical panegyrics;— -'JU3& the person forme, suited 
in every particular to please the most fastidious lady." 
Ah well, I fear that none of them will do for me; and I 
am sure \ shall not break my heart for any of them. I 
wonder where my friend, Mr. Frank Freewell is? He 
never fails a daily call, — hark ! who is that ? 

Frank. (Speaking without.) I'll take the liberty to 
walk right up; I know the way. 

Mus. II. There he is sure enough. 



]0 HE COULDN'T HELP IT : 

Frank. {Enter Frank.) Ah, my dear Mrs. Harcourt, 
there you are, industriously at work as usual. How do 
you do V 

Mrs. H. (She rises to receive him.) Quite well I thank 
you ; I hope Mr. Freeweli is in good health. 
Frank. Never better in my life. 
Mrs. H. Pray be seated, Mr. Freeweli. (Both sit) 
Frank. Now, my dear widow, I protest against your 
Mistering me so ; do please call me plain Frank. 

Mrs H. Were I to call you plain Frank, you might be 
offended, especially as so many young ladies declare that 
you are not plain. 

Frank. Ah, widow, I perceive that you are disposed 
to be facetious as well as complimentary. But truly, call 
me Frank, and you will please me. 

Mrs H. Shall I ? certainly then I cannot refuse to 
please you when you assure me that it can be clone so 
easily. I will call you Frank, that is provided you will 
call me Fanny. 

Frank I will ; and considering our long acquaintance, 
it will certainly be less stiff and formal. 

Mrs. H. Well, then, Frank, any news in town. 
Frank. Positively none! news is scarce and business 
dull. 

Mrs. H. Have you been to the opera ? 
Frank. No! to tell you the truth my dear Mrs. Har- 
court — 1 beg pardon, I mean Fanny— I fear I lack that 
taste for music, which would enable me to appreciate opera. 

Mrs. II. Indeed? may I ask what kind of amusement 
you do like, Mr. Freeweli ?— I beg pardon- 1 mean * rank. 

Frank. None better than a chat with you. 
Mrs. H. A truce to compliment, Frank 



■ I PlJTf- 



OR TRAPPED AT LAST. 1 1 

Frank. Nay, Fanny ; compliments are usually false- 
hoods ; I speak truth, hence I do not compliment. 

Mrs. H. Quite logical, truly, Frank ; I admit the force 
of your reasouing ; pray go on. 

Frank. Then let me tell you, Fanny, that I have an 
extraordinary reason for, and a special object to accom- 
plish by, my present visit. 

Mrs. H. What is it Frank ? an adventure ? 

Frank. Indeed, Fanny, it may turn out to be one. 

Mrs. H. Delightful ! let me hear it ! can I in any way 
promote it? 

Frank. If you can not, be assured that no one else 
can. 

Mks. H. (Becoming greatly interested, lays aside her 
work.) Do let me know how ; I'm all impatience. 

Frank. Then listen, Fanny. I have a friend, a most 
excellent amiable man, — 

Mrs. H. Who wants to get married. 

Frank. You have hit exactly. He wants a wife ; you 
have signified your willingness to marry again. 

Mrs. H. When the right man presents. 

Frank. Exactly ; I remember your very words. Now 
my friend is one of the best ot men, — 

Mrs. H. Of course he is ; how could he be otherwise 
when he has a man to pronounce his eulogy ? Frank, the 
ladies are better judges of the men than they are of 
themselves. 

Frank. You shall have an opportunity of exercising 
your judgment. I propose calling upon you this evening 
for the purpose of introducing my friend ; that is, if you 
do not object. 

Mrs. H. With all my heart ; any friend of yours is 
certainly welcome. 



1-2 riE corLD.vT help it; 

Frank. But Fanny, let me prepare you. I am sorry 
to say thcct my friend has a iail.ng. 

M&s. II Only one ? 

Frank. Only one. 

Mrs. II. Dues lie drink? 

Frank. Not a drop. 

Mils?. II. Does he chew or smoke? 

Frank. Neither one. 

Mrs. II. Does he gamble? 

Frank. Never. 

Mrs. Bless me, what is it ? does he squint ? 

Frank. You have not hit it yet. 

Mrs. II. Is. he hump backed. 

Frank. On the contrary his form is faultless. 

"Mrs. II. I give it up ! what is it ? 

Frank. lie is bashful. 

Mrs. II. (La u [filing.) What, a man, and bashful ? 

Frank. He is the most bashful, timid man in the pres- 
ence of females I ever saw ; it completely unmans him. so 
that he don't really know whether lie is standing upon his 
head or his heels. 

Mns. II. Well.l must say. Frank, that your description 

of him is very flattering; however, as the doctors say. it is 
a c arable disease. 

Frank. Yes. and you are the doctor to whose care I 
wish to commit him. 

Mi:-. II. Well, I'll undertake: that is, provided the 
patient is worth saving. 

Frank. Depend upon it. Fanny, that he i* in every 
re-pect a most worthy man, but this infirmity is the bane 
of his existence. 



OR TRAPPD AT LAST. 13 

Mrs. H. T think lie can be cured : and perhaps when I 
see the patient I may think him worth the trial. 

Frank. {Rising and preparing to leave.) I hope it will 
prove so. But I must leave you until evening, adieu; \ 

shall be punctual; so until seven this evening, farewell. 
(Exit.) 

Mrs. IT. That's a dear good fellow ; so candid, gen- 
erous and open-hearted. Ah, si e is a happy woman who 
is soon to call him husband. (Goes to table and places 
things.) Heigh, ho! I wonder what kind of pjogress I 
shall make with Frank's friend? I didn't even ask his 
name. Well, no matter: he probably has one. I'll <zo 
and finish my letter to eousin Alary, and then prepare for 
my evening visitors. Oh, these men, these men, how you 
do plague us poor women. (Exit.) 

SCENE III. 

(The room of Mr. Hobbs, as before.) 

Hobbs. (Enters.) Well, here I am, about to be led to 
the sacrifice. (Walks about in considerable exciemenU occa- 
sionally sitting down and hopping up again.) I wonder what 
o'clock it is? (Consults his watch.) Just fifteen minutes 
to seven, and seven is the awful hour. I don't wish that 
any accident would befall Frank, but if some one would 
detain him, or he could tumble down and break his neck 
just a little, — no, I don't mean that. — or something would 
occur to prevent this meeting (Consults watch.) No use. 
the watch keeps going, and every tick brings me nearer to 
the awful moment. (Sits down, but hops up again.) It's no 
use, I can't sit, — I'm nervous as an eel undergoing the 
pleasing process of being skun. (Consults watch) Yes, 
watch keeps goirg a-head ; eight minutes more of agony 
left. \\ hew ! what a perspiratiom I an in, to be sure. No 
Ia'int. Boo-oo. I'm all of a shiver (Sits in chair ) I 
wonder what the matter is with me. I wi&h I had a com- 
pobiug draught. 



1-4 he couldn't help it: 

Frank. (Calling without) Hobbs, are you there ? 

Hobbs. {Sinks down in his chair.) I've got it; there's 
a composing draught. 
Frank. {Without.) Hobbs, are you up stairs ? 
Hobbs. Yes, I'm here ; what there is of me. 

Frank. (Without.) All right; I'm a little late.— 
(Enters.) Here I am, Hobbs ; sorry 1 kept you waiting ; 
but I couldn't help it 

Hobbs. (Rmng. but quite overcome.) Don't apologize, I 
beg; if you hadn't come for two hours I would have 
waited patiently. 

Frank. Bless me, I thought you would be in a perfect 
fever of anxiety. 

Hobbs. So I have been, but the anxiety was on the 
other side of the question. 

Frank. Bless you, Hobbs, what do you mean ? 

Hobbs. Look at me, Frank ! you behold before you a 
wretched, miserable being who feels that his time has 
come. 

Frank. Nonsense, man ! you miserable and wretched 
when you are about to be introduced to one of the lovliest 
of women ? Nonsense, man ! you ought to be the happiest 
of fellows. Come, come ; it is time we were moving. 

Hobbs. (Goes vera leisurely and gets his hat.) Fatal 
visit. 

Frank. Come ; the hour is already past, and it is not 
polite to keep a lady waiting. (Takes Hobbs by the arm 
and urges him forward.) 

Hobbs. Ah, Frank, you don't know what you are 
about. I'm an undone man. 

Frank. Fiddle, faddle, man; come hurry up (Both 
exit somewhat rapidly talking in dumb show..) 



or trapp'd at last. lo 



SCENE. IV. 

(Apartment of Mrs. Harcourt : she is discovered seated with 
a book in hand. 

Mrs. H (Beads.) " Of earthly goods, the best is a 
good wife ; a bad, the bitterest curse of human life." That 
is a pretty sentiment, and very prettily expressed; and 
what is more, I must confess that it is true. (Looks off 
the stage.) Why, as I live, it is half-past seven , Frank 
and his friend will soon be here; that is, if his friend's 
heart has not failed him. Out of the dozen letters which 
I have received in answer to the " Personal " I have 
saved but one. (Draws from her pocket a. letter.) Htre it 
is ; all the rest have found the flames. This I kept for its 
singularity, and because it is so unlike the rest. (Opens 
letter and reads.) 

" Dear Unknown : I know not whether you are a woman, 
and the author of the advertisement in the Bulletin, or 
whether you are sincere in your desire therein expressed ; 
but supposing you to be a woman, and believing you sin- 
cere, I answer it according to directions. Of myself, I can 
say little else than that I am a* man, comparatively young, 
and in my prime ; I am not poor, and have nothing to offer 
in my own praise. I would scorn to deceive a confiding 
woman, hence I am sincere w T hen I say that I could be a 
loving, devoted and indulgent husband to a kind and affec- 
tionate wife. Should I ever wed, it would be my first and 
last study to make my wife happy, to cheer her in her 
sorrows, sympathize with her in her misfortunes, and do 
all that affectionate devotion could do to make her happy. 
If these views should accord with your own, please address, 

Paul Peverille, 

Box 500." 

1 declare it is quite affecting. (Wipes her eyes.) I've 
read that letter at least half a dozen times ; it breathes 
the spirit of a true man, whoever he is. 

Frank. (Speaking without.) Is she in her room ? thank 
you ! I'll walk right up. 



3(3 he couldn't help it; 

Mrs II (Conceals the letter. There is Frank. (Frank 
enters.) So, so, Frank ; you're here at last, are you ? 

Frank. As you say, Fanny, I'm here at last, but I've 
had such a time of it. 

Mrs. H. Indeed ? and how so V 

Fe ink. About every twenty steps I took in company 
with my friend whom I proposed to present to you, I was 
under the necessity of stopping to reason with him before 
I could get him to move. 

Mrs. H. You surprise me; where is the poor, dear 
fellow ? 

Frank I left him below to compose himself, or I 
should have been obliged to bring him in boddy. 

Mrs. H. Poor fellow, how I do pity him ; do show him 



in. 



Frank. 1*11 make the attempt, (Exit.) 
Mrs H Really, how much the poor dear man must 
suffer in his feelings. At all events, I'll do my best to 
make him leel himself at ease, for I couldn t find it in my 
heart to teaze him. {She looks off.) Here they come. 

Frank. (Enters backwards, having Hobbs bg the hand, 
urainahimin, whilst Hobbs comes unwillingly along with his 
face averted from Mrs 11.) Come, come, my boy ; courage, 
Hobbs, it will be all over in a minute. 

Hobbs. I know it. Frank; it will be all over with me 
in less time than that. 

Frank. Now then, Hobbs, do your best ; here is the 
lady. _ 

Hobbs. (Seems quite overcome.) Support me, Frank : 
I feel I'm gomg. 

Frank. Mrs. Fanny Harcoiirt, allow me tl e pleasure 
of introducing to you my particular and valued iriend, 
Mr. Hobbs* 



Oil TKArP'D AT LAST. * 1 7 

(jlohb* bows with his back to the lady, and his hat under his 
arm.) 

Mrs. II I trust Mr. Ilobbs finds himself well this 
erening. 

IIobbs. (Abstractedly.) Yes — Miss, Madam — I believe 
that is— the report. 

Mrs. II. I remarked, Mr. IIobbs, that I hoped you 
found yourself well this evening. 

IIobbs. (Drops his Jiat.) Yes — certainly, Miss. 

Mrs. II. Anything new this evening, Mr. Ilobbs? 

IIobbs. It — does look — like rain Miss, madam. 

Mrs. II. I inquired if there was any news ? 

• Hobbs. I don't think there is, ma'am, Miss ; at least, 
not with me. 

Frank. My dear Mrs. Harcourt, my friend met with 
rather an unpleasant affair this afternoon which has some- 
what discomposed him ; he will soon regain nis usual self- 
poasession. 

Mrs. H. Frank, I perceive your friend has dropped his 
hat; perhaps he is not aware of it. 

Hobbs. Oh yes, Miss, that is madam. (He makes an 
awkward attempt to recover it, in ichich he finally succeeds.) 
I know, yes, very. 

Mrs. H. (Pointing to a chair — he sits on her left, and 
Frank on the left of Hobb<.) Pray, Mr. Ilobbs, be seated. 

HoB3S. Thank you, Miss, you're too kind. 

Mrs. II, (Aside.) He's improving. Mr. Ilobbs, you 
and my friend Frank were college chums, I believe. 

Hobbs. Yes, Miss, exactly. 

Frank. Yes, Mrs. Harcourt, he and I were cbums at 
college, and I must say that there never was a better fel- 
low, or a better scholar ; he was always a particular favor- 
ite with the ladies. 2 






18 . nE couldn't help it; 

Hobbs. (Aside to Frank.) What are yon saying, 
Frank V you'll ruin me. 

Mrs. H. I cannot for a moment doubt W££~£ 
Frank, but I should think the ladies would desne less re 
serve and a little more freedom. 

Hobbs. I can't help it, miss— I don't,— 

Frank. True, Mrs. Harcourt ; Mr. Hobbs is somewhat 
reserved, but he will improve. 

Mrs. H. I doubt not. 

Frank. (Rises) You must excuse me «^W«TJ 
an engagement with a lady, which having fulfilled, I will 

return. 

Hobbs. (Pu 7 ls him down in the chair.) Frank, if you 
love me, don't leave me. 

Frank. Nonsense, man, you're doing finely. 

Mrs. II. Why didn't you say the lady, Frank ? 

Frank. Ah well, widow, you know it all ; my en ga ge- 
men t is with the lady ; so farewell. Hobos, my friemUll 
see vou again. Mrs. H, a pleasant good evening to you 
aifdCy X lady doctor be successful with her patient, 

(Mrs. II. follows Frank, and takes leave of him as he exits.) 

Hobbs. (Aside. Good gracious, what will become of 
me ? alone with a woman. 

Mrs. H. (Returning to a seat next to where Hobbs is seated.) 
Did you speak, Mr. Hobbs? 

Hobbs. Yes —no—that is,— no, not at all. 

Mrs. H. Oh, I thought you spoke. Are you a judge 
of likenesses, Mr. Hobbs? 

Hobbs. No, Miss,— that is,— I believe not. 

Mrs. H. (Handing a picture shut up in a case.) Would 
you be so kind as to look at this ? 



ann 



OR TRAPPED AT LAST. 19 

Hobbs. (Looks at the unopened case.) Certainly, Miss. — 
Madam, — very fine. 

Mrs. H. What do you think of it, xMr. Hobbs ? 

Hobbs. I think. — yes— it is,— quite pretty. 

M;is. II. But. Mr. Hobbs, perhaps you had better open 



it. 



Hobbs. (Confused, attempts to laugh.) Oh, la; yes, 
Madam, — Miss, — beg pardon. 

Mrs. H. Does it resemble me ? 

Hobbs. Certainly, yes, Miss,— -Madam. 

Mrs. H. Perhaps, Mr. Hobbs, you could judge with 
more accuracy, if you would condescend to look at me as 
weli a* the picture. 

Hobbs. (Aside) Good gracious, now for it. Yes, 
Mi«s. (Gives her a sidelong glance.) Oh, isn't she beautiful ! 
Mus. H. You think it a good likeness then ? 
Hobbs. Yes, Madam,— excellent. 

Mrs. H. (Aside.) Oh, he is getting on bravely. (She 
glances at his neck handkerchief.) Mr. Hobbs, who tied that 
bow in your neck 'kerchief. 

Hobbs. I did, Miss,— Madam. 

Mrs. H. I don't like it ; will you allow me to tie it 
over again ? 

Hobbs. Oh, certainly, Madam ; if you wish. 

Mrs. II. (Re-tying the beau knot.) I like to see a gen- 
tleman's neck tie put on with some taste. There, that 
looks better. 

Hobbs. So it does, Miss. (Aside.) What a charming 

woman. & 

Mrs. II. Shall I trouble you to look at some family 
pictures, Mr. Hobbs? (Rises.) 



20 nE couldn't help it; 

IIobbs. (Retaining hh seat.) Oh, no trouble at all. 

Mrs. II. {Going up the stage and pointing off.) T .at is a 

picture ot my father, somewhat celebrated as an attorney. 

Hobbs. Very pretty, Madam,— yes. 

Mrs. H. (Comes Sown to where Ilobbi sits and touches him- 
upon the shoulder.) Suppose you were to rise and step this 
way ; I think you could see them much better. 

IIobbs. Oh, yes, Miss,— excuse me. (RUes.) 

Mrs. II. Will you allow me? (She offers to take his 
arm, which he puis out awkwardly.) 

IIobbs. Certainly.— yes,— Madam. 

Mrs. H. (She leads him up the stage and points off) 
That picture, as I just remarked, is a likeness of my father, 
i.n attorney. 

IIobbs. Yes, Miss,— an attorney. 

Mrs. II. (Pointing of) That, is a likeness of my 
grandfather; he held a colonel's commission m the Amer- 
ican army. 

IIobbs. Yes, Miss,— a military man. 

Mrs. II This picture, (pointing off,) is the likeness of 
— who do you think ? 

Hobbs. (Looks up timidly ( That's you, Miss. 

Mrs II Pti<>-ht, Mr. IIobbs: I didn't think you could 
guess, for you have not looked at me since you came into 
the room. 

Hobbs. I beg pardon, Miss, — I have— 

Mrs. H. Only once, Mr. Hobbs; only once, I'm sure 
and then I was forced to ask you to do so. 

Hobbs Yes, Madam,— I did once— I know I did. 
(Aside.) I shall never forget it ; would she were mine. 
(Then come down and resume their seats.) 



H 



OK trapp'd at last. 21 

Mrs. II. Mr. Ilobbs, I fear I have boon guilty of a 
great indiscretion, but my love for a little fun led me to it. 

IIobbs. (A<i<le.) Gracious, what is coming now V — 
Yes, Miss; nothing serious, I hope. 

Mrs. H. Heir, awl then judge. [Hands him the news- 
paper.) Iliad that '"Personal." 

II > BBS. (Takes piper, re vis to himte[f, and then returns 
it.) Yes, Mi-s, — I've read it. 

Mrs. II. Now. yon must know, Mr, Ilobbs, that I put 
that into the paper in sport, and I have received several 
answers. 

IIobbs. Have vou, — indeed. 

Mrs. II Yes, and I burnt them all but one ; that one 
I kept, and have been very unhappy since I received it. I 
have read it over and over again, and you may he sure 
that whoever wrote it ; he |>» ssesses t lie heart of a true 
man. \\\\\ you favor me with your views of it. (Hands 
Hobbs the tetter) 

IIobbs. (Looks at letter. Aside.) Good gracious, my 
letter, as 1 live. 

Mrs. II. (Observing his uneasiness.) Bless me, Mr. 
Ilobbs, what's the matter ? do you know the writing ? 

IIobbs. Xo — I think, — I guess not. 

Mrs. II. Do you think the writer of that an honest 
man V 

Hobbs. (Very piompth/.) I knoio he is. Miss, — (recol- 
le ding himself.) that is I think so. (Aside.) I'm getting 
bold, and I shall throw myself into that woman's arms, I 
know I bhall. 

Mrs. II. I'd give something to know him. 

Hobbs. (Aside.) The moment has come. 

Urs. II. I would really like to know him. 



22 HE couldn't help it ; 

Hobbs. (Kneels.) Behold him at your feet. 

Mrs. II. Why, Mr. Hobbs. 

Hobbs. Mrs. Harcourt, my dear Unknown. 

Mrs. H. Then that letter, — 

Hobbs. Is mine. (Aside) I've plunged in and I am 
lost. 

Mrs. II. (Laughing) My dear Mr. Hobbs, don't kneel 
there, pray. 

Hobbs. (Putting up both hands and gazing into her face,) 
I am praying. 

Mrs. II. Do rise, Mr. Hobbs ; dear Mr. Hobbs. 

Hobbs. Dear Mrs. Harcourt, assist me. 

Mrs. II. (Assists him up. Sits.) What a singular ad- 
venture. 

Hobbs. I feel bold now; that is in your presence.— 
My dear Mrs. Harcourt I feel that you have made a man 
of me ; how can lever repay you for this kindness ? (Tales 
her hand and knee's.) Here, on my knees, let me swear 
eternal — 

Frank. (Enters hurriedly) Ah, oh, Hobbs. Hobbs 
what are you doing ? 

Hobbs. (Looking up perfectly cool, and keeping his posi- 
tion.) Oh, you're too late. Frank! I'm a changed man 
and this angel of a woman has cured me. I couldn't 
help it. 

Mrs. H. Women are not anpds, Mr. Hobbs. 
Hobbs. Well, vou are ray guardian angel. 

Frank. I rather think, Hobbs, that a little love on 
both sides has helped the matter along ; ha, Fanny ? 

Mrs. II. (Playfully.) Oh, you saucy man ; how can you 
impute such motive. 



■mm 



OR TRAPPED AT LAST. 23 

Frank. {Taking Mrs. II. by the hand.) I don't, I don't ! 
none will rejoice at this change more than I shall. (To 
Hobbs) Hobbs, you are trapped at last. (Pointing to the 
audience.) Perhaps your friends here will rejoice with you 
too ; suppose you try. 

Hobbs. (Advancing front.) Ladies and Gentlemen : I 
hope this little trifle has pleased yon. Is there a bashful 
man here ? (Look's over the audicuce and then points at an 
imaginary individual.) Yes, I see one ; there he sits. Poor 
fellow, I pity you. I know all about it. (Mrs. H. and 
Frank note come down, standing so as to bring Mrs. H. in the 
centre.) I have been through the awful ordeal. But let 
me tell you a secret; a woman surpasses all physicians iu 
skill to cure that worst of all sick patients, — 

Mrs. H. A bashful man. 

Quick Curtain. 

DISPOSITION OF CHARACTERS. 

Hobbs. Mrs. H. Frank. 



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